Poor Lars


It seems that Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich is even more ignorant to his own ramblings that I previously thought...

"I hear myself sometimes saying, 'METALLICA's not a heavy metal band' and all this other nonsense, and of course METALLICA is a heavy metal band in a musical (sense). But we always worked hard to fight preconceptions about what heavy metal is.
"What you're supposed to look like, how you're supposed to behave, I always found that stuff way too limiting. I always found it a great contradiction, because if rock 'n' roll is about freedom and escapism and individuality, then isn't there a paradox in the conservative mind-set within the heavy metal world?"

I read this, and all I can think is that they played right into it... They looked exactly how they're supposed to look - they wore jean jackets with patches on them when it was trendy to do that, they wore all black when it was trendy to do that... when heavy bands started showing up with guys with short hair in them, the first thing they did was go get haircuts and put on Scott Weiland eyeliner... I mean, who's he kidding? And they've always behaved just like the rest of the metalheads out there... Goofy ass backstage antics, members in and out of rehab, ignorant statements to the press... err, yeah... They haven't worked hard at fighting any preconceptions... they've been living them for the past twenty years, now.
It just seems like they (Metallica) will say anything if it gets 'em a little more press for their tired asses.
Oh, well... Fuck Lars. The best thing he's done in the past fifteen years was getting Systematic signed.


Listening to: APC

Sharon Osbourne Fired?


Rumor has it that Sharon Osbourne has been fired from her TV show... already...
All I can really say is, "GOOD RIDDANCE!" I've never downplayed the fact that I pretty much can't stand her (with much of the credit going to her role in the "re-makes" of the first two classic OzzY solo albums, amongst a lot of other crap). Somewhere, someone thought that she would be a good choice for a talk show host, based on that pile of crap Osbournes MTV series. I guess that when the executives realized that the fourteen year-old crowd was busy at school while her talk show was on, they also realized that they had a miserable flop on their hands. So they had to give her the boot. Like I said, I'm glad, 'cause she's cheap, she's totally fake (inside and outside - a fact that she loves pointing out all the time, apparently), and she's a bona fide bitch. The only thing I've ever appreciated about her is our shared disdain for Courtney Love.
So, now I guess she can go back and concentrate all her attention on her spoiled brat kids (well, two of 'em, anyway), her husband (who could use a little attention about now), and her little ankle-biter dog-things...


Listening to: A Perfect Circle - "Thirteenth Step" (2003)

Tickets


Being one of the "lucky ones," I guess you might say, I just got my tickets for the A Perfect Circle / The Mars Volta show at Magness Arena down in Denver. No, they're not on sale to the general public, yet, but that wasn't gonna stop me... Fantastic seats (I'm a little too "something" for GA seats, anymore - I'm not there to squirm and wrestle around with a bunch of drunken sixteen year-olds, I'm there to enjoy live music, so reserved seats for me, thanks), getting in early (no doubt so I can spend even more money)... Now, trying to find a good place to eat before the show... only about a thousand killer restaraunts in Denver, it seems. That might be harder to figure out than getting the tickets was... at this point, though, I'll eat at Wendy's for all I care. 'Cause I got my tickets, yo.

Listening to: "The Rockford Files" on WGN

Velvet Revolver Announces Club Tour


The band feauring former Stone Temple Pilots frontman Scott Weiland, former Guns 'n' Roses guitarist Slash, bassist Duff McKagan, Cult (and former G'n'R) drummer Matt Sorum, and former Suicidal Tendencies guitarist Dave Kushner, has announced a tentative club tour in support of their upcoming album, Contraband. The Velvet Revolver club tour looks a little something like this (NOTE: all venues are to be announced):

March 12- Toronto, ONT
March 16- Madrid, SPA
March 18- Paris, FRA
March 20- Amsterdam, NETH
March 22- Stockholm, SWE
March 24- Hamburg, GER
March 26- Koln, GER
March 28- London, UK
April 03- Atlanta, GA
April 05- Washington, D.C.
April 06- Philadelphia, PA
April 09- Boston, MA
April 10- Providence, RI
April 12- Cleveland, OH
April 13- Detroit, MI
April 15- Chicago, IL
April 16- Milwaukee, WI
April 17- Minneapolis, MN
April 19- Denver, CO
April 20- Salt Lake City, UT
April 22- Seattle, WA
April 24- San Francisco, CA
April 26- Los Angeles, CA
April 27- Los Angeles, CA


Listening to: Ill Nino - "Confession" (2003)

More Thoughts on a Mess...


I was thinking about this whole big deal between Phil Anselmo and his former Pantera bandmates Dimebag and Vinnie, earlier... it's just stupid shit, basically. I wonder if Pantera hadn't made two shitty albums in a row (101 Proof Live and Reinventing the Steel) if Phil would have still been so interested in doing all his side project stuff... I mean, yeah, Down was around for a while before the suckdom began, and I was fine with that, because they fuckin' smoke... but y'know... to be honest, Pantera had begun to fade away into the shadows after The Great Southern Trendkill, and well... they just weren't the same...

Everybody always talks about how awesome Cowboys From Hell and Vulgar Display of Power were... but to be honest, I absolutely love Far Beyond Driven and The Great Southern Trendkill way more than their predecessors... Sure the first two "modern-era" Pantera albums were incredible, but the latter two were probably two of the most underrated achievements in metal... Far Beyond Driven contains possibly the scariest & most wicked "metal" guitar solo, ever, in the song "Throes of Rejection," not to mention the fact that the album is just totally sick from beginning to end... and ...Trendkill is, again, a sonic feast all the way through...

And then, I also reminded myself of something - I played in a band in '96 and we always dug jamming on about twenty different Pantera covers for fun during practice... one of which was the song "Godsize." In that song, Phil sings, "I drink all day, I smoke all day, I took the Devil's breath away - I've done it all but tap the vein..."
In later years, I always found that line a bit of a mystery (and a little amusing (also in that he thought he was "becoming Godsize")), considering that the last time I saw them (in '96 in Dayton, Ohio with White Zombie, and then pretty much unknowns deftones (fuckin' rocked my ass off) and eyehategod), it was about a week after Phil O.D.'d "the first time" - and came out with that "I was clinically dead for six minutes" letter "of apology" where he admits he likes to ride the Horse and stuff... Had to wonder how long he'd been on the needle at that point... I mean, to have a song that says he doesn't shoot up, and then two years later to overdose and stuff. Just always kinda rubbed me the wrong way a little...

Regardless, I stand by my original statement that I hope everyone can get past the namecalling and babified whining about each other shit and get on with making good music... Of course Damageplan is gonna sound a lot like Pantera - it contains the guys that wrote all of Pantera's music and beats... and the new singer they have is a lot like Phil - which is fine by me... I mean, hell, they coulda got some choad like Kip Winger, or something (who was just here, playing at the retro hair band bar the other day - hoo...ray...)... Yeah, they're probably gonna play some old Pantera tunes, too... Again, that's fine... They've more than earned the right to. I mean, I've already seen Pantera do it, I've played a ton of their music in bands, myself, so I have no qualms with watching members of an old band play their old, glorious stuff... and Phil is certainly within his rights to just leave it all behind and never utter an old Pantera lyric again if he doesn't want to... but it still pisses me off that it had to end like this... I reported it on my radio show in early 2002, and no one believed me - even the guys in the band were trying to play it off like it wasn't true... but it was... and to go down like it did... well, it could have (and should have) been handled with a little bit more class between all parties, I think. Now, we're all stuck with a bunch of "he said, they said" garbage that isn't gonna change the fact that they're not a band, anymore...


Listening to: Fingertight - "In the Name of Progress" (2003)

The Latest in the Pantera Saga


Well, this story just keeps getting better and better, I guess you could say...

For the record, if I had to choose, I'd have to take the brothers' side in this whole mess, in that I think Phil Anselmo is pretty much a cock, anymore... thinking he's some super-duper-god, or something... He might have been at one time (back in about 1996), but he's gone and totally fucked over the people that helped make him who he was, acted like a dick in public about it, pretending like he's the one that got shut out of Pantera, pissed his marriage away, treated fans like they are worhtless (again, more of the very people that helped to make him so famous in the first place), pretending that he doesn't need anything or anyone but the needle... In the grand scheme of things, though, it's a pretty sad end (well, Reinventing the Steel aside - a pretty sad affair of its own) to an otherwise great band, that just about singlehandedly kept "heavy metal" alive through the advent of boy bands, cheesy hip-hop, grunge, college rock, and into the early beginnings of that "emo" complete shit...

If you believe Dime and Vinnie, they would have liked to have kept Pantera together, but former singer Phil Anselmo was only interested in doing his fifty side projects, apparently... and when meeting after meeting went off without Anselmo giving the brothers any respect by even following through, they basically said "fuck him, and fuck Pantera," and decided it was time to do their own thing... the result is the band Damageplan.

Anselmo had this to say in a recent interview when asked if he could work out the problem with the brothers:

"Man, it's not really my thing. Some people can say I'm the one that started all these side bands. But look, I'm a fuckin' musician. To limit yourself to one fucking band and one form of music to me is just treading shallow water. You need to plunge in fucking deep. There's a lot of different forms of heavy music itself, and it doesn't all need some form of heavy guitar. I've played all kinds of music. That's just how I am and that's just what I do. I'm not the one that fuckin' totally fuckin' wanted to end the name or the working relationship with PANTERA. That was those other guys. They wanted to end it, OK. Who am I to argue besides Philip Anselmo."

...to which Dimebag (in an interview with "The Metal Show" in Cleveland) replied:

"I'll just say this... Well, you can call it 'shallow', if that's what he wants to call it. What I call it is fuckin' thoroughly full, 1000 percent blood-and-heart-and-fucking-soul, from where me and Vinnie were coming from. 'Cause when you put as much into PANTERA as me and Vinnie did, you ain't got no time to go fuckin' jack off on no side fuckin' band, OK?! That's where we're coming from. And we ain't the ones that took off and left everybody hanging. And he did NOT communicate with us. Dude, we had fuckin' meetings set up... I mean, we even... At the end of the rope, after trying to hook up conference call after conference call, him blowing us off - in-between blowing us off, he'd go out and play shows, and people would call us and go, 'Man, he's doing it again. He said Dime fuckin' sucks and Vinnie's...' Whatever, all this ridiculous shit, for no good reason. It finally came to a head where we were talking to the record company, just trying to get cut loose to move forward and do a new band, and we even offered to prove to them that, 'Look, man, we'll do a meeting with you in your office' (Sylvia Rhone's office, the head of Elektra Records) 'We'll do a meeting with you to and we'll sit down with these cats and do our goddamn very best to iron everything out, whatever the hell the problem is.' You know, I've got no fuckin' problem - I'll sit down with them fuckin' cats and look them right in the eye and say, 'What is the hang-up, man?' And he blew that off - he would not do it. And then next thing you know, here comes his next SUPERJOINT record. And in interviews… That's [the story] he gave that one time. Like Vinnie says, he's not giving the same answer every time, so you've gotta wonder about somebody like that. That don't mean somebody is telling you exactly 100 percent the fuckin' truth."

Questions also arose about Anselmo's (alleged) drug problem (which has also recently cost him his marriage), to which the brothers replied:

The Metal Show: Is that the Phil that you guys knew, though?

Vinnie: "No, that's the dope-fucked Phil, how's that? ...People have been covering up and hiding the truth behind what's going on with that dude for way too long. When it started out, he really had a lot of fun taking potshots at us. And when he realized his audience was dwindling and dwindling and dwindling and he was playing to fewer and fewer people, right at the very end of his tour he started a whole new story, 'Man, I love those guys. I wish them the best of luck.' Bull-fuckin'-shit - that's all I have to say... People wanna question if somebody's high or not - you can either tell by their actions or not. People don't come in the room and just tie off and say, 'Watch out guys, I'm gonna shoot up right now. Hold on for a minute.' You don't see it. It's a secretive kind of thing that goes on."

Dimebag: "[in another person's voice] 'Man he was drunk.' That ain't fuckin' booze, dude, you know?! Give me a fuckin' break."

NOTE: and I thought I said "fuck," a lot...
Well, it's becoming quite obvious that there's no love lost for Anselmo... and that he's got some issues he needs to deal with (although, in regards to the brothers, I can say from past experience that being a raging pothead isn't what I'd call a "great life," either, but then again, I wasn't ever a "god-awfully wealthy pothead")... Meanwhile, Phil will go on with his fifty bands, spreading himself thinner than that prepackaged meat you buy at the grocery... and in my opinion, the only "side project" he's ever done that's worth a shit (and I've heard about six or seven different things he's been doing over the past few years - I personallly think Superjoint Ritual blows & is, like, a cheap Slayer ripoff or something... just being heavy for heavy's sake... I sold my first CD about a week after I got it, and could hardly bear the second one) was Down, but he went and fucked that over, too...

Good luck to the brothers Abbott in their new endeavors with Damageplan, and good luck to Phil Anselmo in getting his shit straight, or at least getting his story straight, anyway... I hope that in any case, all the shitslinging can come to an end and people can get on and just play some good music and not worry about what their ex-singer or ex-guitarist and ex-drummer say about them... it will be a better day...

You can hear the entire 25-minute interview with Dime and Vinnie HERE


Listening to: The Cult - "Sonic Temple" (1989)

Newstead's PAPA WHEELIE is (Finally) a Reality...

Former Metallica/Flotsam & Jetsam/Voivod, etc. bassist Jason Newstead has a new band in the offerring - a "stoner-punk-metal" band called Papa Wheelie... It's actually been in the works for some time (the idea came about almost ten years ago), but is officially getting off the ground only recently... In the band, Newstead does lead vocals and plays guitars...

The music... well... it pretty much sucks... I've always kinda thought Newstead had the most integrity of all the "Metallicahks," but with this project... well... it just sucks... I don't know what else to say about it... Well, the bass player is the guy that Jason buys his mountain bikes from... if that gives you any idea into the talent pool of the band... not that owners of bike shops can't be bass players, but c'mon... ;)

I'm sorry, Jas... If this means that I don't get a Christmas card in 2004, I'm sorry... but you should just get with a (good) band, and stay with it for more than a couple months, 'kay?

Anyhow, if you give a shit, you can go read more about them and listen to three tracks they recorded in the Chophouse studio HERE.


Listening to: Iron Maiden - "Powerslave" (1984)

More Buttons


I was goofing off, and made some buttons so that people could use them to link to my page (and the upcoming xtaticmusic.net site, as well)... I kinda like a couple of them, too - well... they got better as it got later, for some reason... although they're all "useable," as far as I'm concerned. Since you can't right click on this page, I'll link to the graphics so you can save them and use them, if you'd like... I would certainly appreciate it.




Seeing as the xtaticmusic.net site is relatively black & white, I figured I would keep with the theme for the buttons, too... Then, realizing that the text links are red, like this site, I made one that had a little red in it, too... Turned out quite well, I think... Anyhow, use 'em...


Listening to: Living Colour

Good Maynard Interview


Recently, A Perfect Circle/TooL frontman Maynard James Keenan sat down with VH-1 for an interview... It's pretty good, and even a bit insightful...

READ IT HERE

You can also watch the interview Maynard did with Kurt Loder HERE.


Listening to: Living Colour - "Collideoscope" (2003)

The Latest on Cold


Despite Amy Lee's know-it-all statements to the contrary, Cold has not broken up... The following is from the band's frontman, Scooter Ward:

"SO ITS OFFICIAL.TERRY HAS LEFT US FOR EVENESCANCE.I DONT KNOW WHY AND I DONT WANT TO.I ALSO DONT KNOW WHY AMY THREW MY LIFE OUT THERE LIKE SHE DID.I NEVER DID ANYTHING BUT TREAT HER WITH RESPECT.BUT THIS IS THE LIFE I CHOOSE AND I UNDERSTAND NOT EVERYTHING CAN BE A SECRET.I JUST WISH SHE WOULD HAVE LET ME TELL MY STORY WHEN I WAS READY.AS FOR COLD WE ARE REALEASING WASTED YEARS SOON.WE ARE LOOKING FOR A NEW GUITARIST AND WE WILL BE STARTING ON OUR NEW RECORD WHEN WE GET OFF THE ROAD.TERRY WAS AND IS A GREAT PERSON AND I DONT THINK ANYONE SHOULD EVER SPEAK ILL OF HIM.I LOVE HIM AND HE WAS ONE OF MY BEST FREINDS AND IT HURTS MY HEART TO LOOSE HIM.SORRY EVERYONE. "

Listening to: Depswa

A Perfect Circle Announces Opening Act


The opening act for the upcoming A Perfect Circle Spring tour is -
The Mars Volta!

I don't know how many of you have heard them, but they are incredible. I was already pretty geeked to go see them, but adding The Mars Volta to the show is gonna make it even mo' bettah...


Listening to: Depswa - "Two Angels and a Dream" (2003)

Why RealPlayer is Annoying

As can be seen in my upcoming Flavas, Volume X column (coming very soon), I have a little problem with some of the dumb comments that the RealPlayer uses for its artists... Here's a couple good ones you get when you pop a Rush CD in:

Rush worked out math rock equations through the function of guitar, bass, keyboard and drums. They also wore tights.

...and...

Most of Rush's lyrics were written by itty-bitty ponytail wearing drummer Neil Peart.

Yeah, I understand that they're trying to be humorous or something, there... but, y'know... that's just plain shitty... Real has made some pretty good leaps in the quality of their media (audio and video) in the past couple years, but obviously their crew of crack trivia people are speds...

If that's the best stuff you come up with for "rock trivia" regarding Rush... well, you need some new trivia writers... in a hurry, even... I will happily throw my hat into the ring, should any of the folks at RealNetworks come across this...

Listening to: Rush

Rapper Mystikal Gets Six Years in Prison for Sexual Assault


I was gonna do all the typing for this story, but I decided I would just reprint the article I found at antimusic, because I found the article compelling and rather disgusting... and I didn't feel like typing all the details, either...

Rapper Mystikal (real name Michael Tyler) was sentenced to six years in prison Thursday after pleading guilty to sexual battery against his hair stylist.
The 33-year-old Grammy-nominated rapper was arrested last summer in Louisiana, following an incident on July 3rd at his home where his hair stylist claims that Tyler forced her to have sex by threatening to have her prosecuted for stealing money from his checking account.

According to police, Tyler threatened to press charges against the victim for her involvement in the check writing scam, and then forced her to perform oral sex on him before calling up two of his bodyguards, Leland Ellis and Vercy Carter. When the two men arrived they were said to have witnessed Tyler raping the women again, he then reportedly forced the women to perform oral sex on him before the other two men joined in, taking turns raping the victim.

Police confiscated a video tape of the alleged rape. According to Police, once Ellis arrived on the scene, Tyler ordered Ellis to video tape the rapper engaging in sexual acts with the victim. The tape reportedly was turned on and off during the time of the multiple rapes but is said to include footage of all three men having sexual contact with the 40-year-old hairstylist.

After police found the incriminating tape it didn't take much for the Districts Attorney's office to come to a plea agreement with Tyler. He was facing up to ten years in prison, but he was given six years in exchange for a guilty plea.

Tyler was also charged with extortion, but he pleaded that charge down to five years probation, which will apply after his prison sentence in completed.

The presiding judge, Tony Marabella, was reportedly disgusted after watching the video tape of the assault, which he described as displaying "continuous sex acts." He said that it was evident that the victim had been "terrorized". And that Tyler was the "mastermind" behind the assault.

"The court is convinced that the defendant believes he is above the law and can take the law into his own hands," Marabella said.

The two bodyguards also entered into plea agreements, both plead guilty to sexual battery and in exchange the extortion charges were dropped against them. Ellis was given a 3 year sentence and Carter was give 4 years.

So you're thinking, "Hey Tony, why do you write about rap artists every here and there?"
Well, y'know, even rap is music-related... though barely... But you don't really ever see me writing about all the good things that rappers do... That's mainly because they don't do much of anything good worth talking about... note that I also write about all the equally dumbassed things that actual musicians do, as well... I mean hey, I'm all for equality and stuff...

Anyhow, I'm glad to see that he was held accountable for his disgusting actions... One has to wonder if he did any equally disturbing things to any of the women portrayed in his "Girls Gone Wild" ripoff DVDs that he was promoting with infomercials this past summer... Anyway, good riddance to bad rubbish... for at least a couple years, with good behavior...

Hey, Mystikal... now that your going to prison? "Watch Yo'self!"


Listening to: Rush - "Presto" (1989)

Will Wes Borland Join Evanescence? (part II)


Well, it looks like the answer to that is, "no."

As my buddy Kevin pointed out in the comments section in the earlier post, vocalist Amy Lee has confirmed that former Cold guitarist Terry Balsamo has become a permanent member of the band (of course, this doesn't rule out any future collaboration with Wes). She also spent a good deal of the interview slagging Cold frontman Scooter Ward's battles with addiction, boldly claiming that Cold "could hire another guitar player and continue, but I'm pretty sure that their lead singer is in and out of rehab and having real problems. He has been for a long time and I don't think they're going to be making another record." Well, I'm glad you think you know so much, Ms. Lee. Whether or not they ever record another note, I doubt that it's your place to be commenting on it... Cold had been a band about as long as you've been alive (well, Cold was around for about fifteen years, and Amy Lee is, like, twenty, but you get the point)... You should really keep your mouth shut when it comes to other band's affairs... it won't be making you any new friends anytime, soon.

I liked that Evanescence album the first four or five times I listened to it... well, I liked about 70% of the songs without all the religious undertones, anyway (a couple of the songs, I just could not stomach, at all)... but the more I listened to it, the more it just got booorrrrrring... Now, since they've gone multi-platinum, everything I read about the band makes me think that Ms. Lee is pretty damned full of herself... I don't know what their next album will sound like, though, considering the guy basically responsible for all the "catchiness" and their gleaming production said adios in October...

I, personally, would rather listen to Cold any day than Evanescence...


Listening to: Cold - "13 Ways to Bleed Onstage" (2000)

Rolling Stone Magazine Founder Honors Self With Induction


In the latest from the "Rolling Stone magazine is a joke" department :

Founder Jann Wenner, who also has been active in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame since its inception, including the process of nominees, has decided that he deserves to be in the Hall, as well...

Is this guy for real? I mean, I'm not saying that he doesn't deserve to be there (although judging by the past ten years of the magazine, he doesn't), but a.) to nominate yourself and b.) to ignore all the other people that were involved in making Rolling Stone magazine (at one time, a long time ago, in a galaxy far... err... nevermind) "the definitive music publication" in favor of just glorifying himself... well, that just takes piles of (not) class...

Yeah, Jann Wenner, you're a great guy... You've pretty much singlehandedly turned music into nothing more than a cheap commodity, nothing but an object to be bought and sold and marketed into oblivion and mediocrity... You've made sure that people who should be recognized as significant to the world of music will never be... Your ego is incredible. You really need help...

Well, it's just more fuel to feed the "how can you take this rag seriously, anymore" fire...

Will Wes Borland Join Evanescence?


Well, I don't really care... For now, ex Cold guitarist Terry Balsamo continues to tour with the band after Ben Moody jumped ship and began collaborating with Avril Lavigne. Word has it that Evanescence now totally blows live without Moody present... Someone referred to the new live show as "dinner party metal."

Meanwhile, rumors continue to float around that Borland's former band, LimpBizkit, will be opening several shows on the upcoming (or should I say "keeps on going, and going, and going") KISS farewell tour, that has been going on for about six years, now (enough already, fellas)... Maybe Fred "Fuckface" Durst will learn more about how to milk an audience out of every penny from merchandising whore Gene Simmons.


Listening to: Korn

Under Investigation


Rapper Ja Rule's record label, Murder, Inc., is under investigation for money laundering with one of New York's biggest and most infamous drug kingpins...

Island Def Jam Music Group head Lyor Cohen also owns 50 percent of Murder, Inc. and was recently found guilty of colluding with Ja Rule to block sales of his old records from his old label, TVT. The result? Island Def Jam has to pay TVT 53 million dollars, with Cohen being personally responsible for 3 million of it... The judge in the case called Cohen "morally reprehensible."

This is besides the whole current investigation into Ja Rule and Cohen for laundering and such... I hope to god they take that fool down... and that stank-assed Ashanti, too... It goes on all over the music business, but at least someone's getting called on it, for once... Maybe soon, you can turn it on Mtv's "Cribs" and see Ja Rule out on the streets showing you his cardboard box... or maybe his 5' x 10' prison cell... I can't decide which one I'd rather see. Either would do, I guess...


Listening to: Korn - "Take a Look in the Mirror" (2003)

Rolling Stone Magazine Pulls Another Complete Boner
AKA, "100 More Reasons Why Rolling Stone Magazine Sucks"


I stumbled onto this list earlier today - Rolling Stone Magazine's 100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time. The first thing I thought was the fact that I didn't know that such a list existed. After subscribing to the magazine for a few years in the mid-'90s, I had come to the conclusion that people that read Rolling Stone magazine nowadays care more about Eminem's buff chest or Christina Aguilera's titty-nipple piercing than actual music stuff... About the only thing Rolling Stone magazine is good for, anymore, is emergency shitter paper... and this is after sixty-grit sandpaper and porcupine carcasses (the wrong way).

Then, I tried to figure out if this was a "reader's poll," or did some poor soul of a writer compile this list on his own? If it's compiled by one person, they should be fired and beaten, severely... and if it's a reader's poll, then Rolling Stone magazine readers really are fucking idiots...

Also worth noting is that a recent "100 Greatest Albums of All Time" article was a pile of garbage, too... but this list is so full of shit, it's laughable... let's start with the top ten, shall we?

1. Jimi Hendrix - Well, I like Hendrix... In fact, I own a buttload of his music... but, is he the greatest guitarist of all time? Not hardly... He was just doing stuff that people weren't doing at the time, with gear they didn't have (like fuzztones, wah pedals, big burly Marshall stacks, etc.)... He was rather experimental, but so were about a thousand other guitarists at the time... Top twenty? Sure... #1? Nope...

2. Duane Allman - I don't have anything against Duane... He was a great guitarist... But he is hardly the #2 guitarist, ever...

3. B.B. King - Give me a break... I wouldn't put him in the top fifty, let alone the top five. Sure, he's a good guitarist... but he's not "ground breaking" by any stretch of the imagination... he sits and plays the same licks over and over and over (and over), and goobers think he's the shit... he's good, but nothing special, at all...

4. Eric Clapton - Totally overrated guitarist... I loved the stuff he did with Blind Faith and Cream, and the stuff he's done recently with blues music is good, too (look for a CD of Robert Johnson covers in March '04)... but about everything in between is total junk... People thought he was great because "he's Clapton" from Cream or the Bluesbreakers or whatever and continued to buy his sucky music... again, totally overrated.

5. Robert Johnson - So... how does this list work, exactly? Robert Johnson was basically a blues singer that accompanied himself on guitar... He was one of those early blues "pioneers," but he was certainly nothing important as far as the guitar goes... This one really confused me. If Robert Johnson is #5, then John Lee Hooker (not on the list) would have to be #6... and he's not... so this list is stupid... as far as blues guitarists go, Bonnie Raitt and Kevin Moore (a.k.a. "Keb' Mo'") play circles around Robert Johnson, but they're not on the list, either... fucking joke...

6. Chuck Berry - Just because you do stuff that other people hadn't done before you, it doesn't make you a "great guitarist." Berry plays like a slob and is one of the hardest people on the planet to work with (just watch "Hail, Hail Rock and Roll" if you don't believe me). Berry's bandmates far surpassed him, talent-wise, over the years... again, it just looks like people were thinking of names they could remember and goin', "Oh yeah... He's great..."

7. Stevie Ray Vaughn - Finally, someone deserving to be in the top ten, albeit too low... SRV was amazing... He's definitely top three material... But you got one right, even if you didn't know where to put him...

8. Ry Cooder - really good guitarist... not remotely top ten-worthy, though...

9. Jimmy Page - Again, top three material... The day that B.B. King is a better guitarist than Jimmy Page is the day that I subscribe to Rolling Stone magazine, again... and I got news for ya... it's not gonna happen...

10. Keith Richards - I love the Rolling Stones... absolutely love tons of their music from all the different eras of Stones stuff... but as much as I love the Stones, I couldn't put Keith Richards in the top ten of a "Greatest Guitarist Ever" list... good guitarist... not a top ten guitarist, though... (This list is looking more and more like a popularity contest and not anything with any kind of validity, whatsoever)

Ah... but it get's even better... look at some other picks and their positions:

11. Kirk Hammett - Are you fucking serious? Sure, he was part of some really groundbreaking music in the '80s, but a.) he's not that good of a guitarist, at all and b.) everything he's done since 1986 has totally sucked... and most of it has been so mangled by the use of a wah pedal... Well... this is just another one of those stupid picks... Maybe top 100, low in the list of all time great guitarists... maybe... (Original Metallica guitarist) Dave Mustaine blows his fucking doors off, though.

12. Kurt Cobain - Okay... Hold it, right there. Could Kurt Cobain even fucking play a guitar??? I think it's pretty safe to say that Kurt was a songwriter first, a singer second, and a weak-assed guitarist third (apparently Dave Grohl couldn't do it all for them, then). He could play a Barre chord for days, sure, but what 8th grader that's been taking lessons for two months couldn't? Shit, his drummer is ten times better a guitarist than him... this is just sad...

16. Johnny Ramone - C'mon, folks... This is getting kinda stupid at this point... The Ramones were great, I'll always love 'em... but Johnny Ramone is not #16 in the all-time scheme of things...

17. Jack White of the White Stripes - this is probably the most embarassing pick of the entire list (no, wait... there's a couple other beauties coming up)... What's this guy been around for, now? Two years? What's he done, now? Two fucking albums? There's simply no way in HELL he deserves to be on this list at all, let alone at #17... This pick proves the popularity contest theory pretty well, I think... Again... you're retards...

18. John Frusciante of RHCP - I like John... Bloodsugarsexmagick is one awesome album... Mother's Milk ain't too bad, either... but is he a top twenty of all time kind of player, or even songwriter? Not in a bazillion years...

26. Tom Morello of Audioslave - I first listened to this guy back in the late '80s when he was in a band called Lock Up, and his eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh shit got tired quick, then... and it certainly does now, also... This list is quickly becoming a waste...

30. Buddy Guy - no way... not a chance... This guy is a circus sideshow clown... You're totally just picking names out of a hat now, aren't you? Admit it...

31. Dick Dale - ???????? Are you serious? Name ONE song the guy did... You can't... You know why? Because he a surf-guitar nobody... I thought it was funny seeing him in that car commercial, recently... more like sad, actually...

The fact that Bo Diddley (#37) is ranked ahead of Queen's Brian May (#39) is completely laughable... In fact, I'm laughing right now...

45. Frank Zappa - Probably even more laughable is the fact that Tom Morello, Buddy Guy, Dick Dale, and Bo Diddley are ranked ahead of Frank Zappa... Frank was an incredible musician, and that included his work on the guitar... He could make your head spin with some of his riffs... I could probably name fifty solos from Zappa songs that would make Jack White look like a blithering idiot... but I won't... besides, Jack does a pretty good job of it on his own...

49. Mahavishnu John McLaughlin - another totally fucked up placement of an amazing talent...

60. Ike Turner - Oh, COME ON!!!! This list has to be a practical joke on us, right??? This pick is so stupid, I'm not even gonna comment on it... I mean, has anyone that picked this bozo ever even heard him play?

61. Zoot Horn Rollo of the Magic Band - ummmmmmmmmm... WHO???? I think someone is smoking some of the good shit...

70. Edward Van Halen - Okay... With this pick, you've gone from smoking dope straight to mainlining laundry detergent... Granted, I haven't liked much of what he's done since about 1985, but Eddie has done more singlehandedly to change the face of music and the way we look at guitar than most of this list combined... His technical mastery of the instrument may never be surpassed by anyone, ever. His songwriting was some of the catchiest shit to ever grace anyone's ears, ever... The worst part of this is the fact that Ike Turner and Zoot Horn Rollo are ranked higher than him... That's basically disgusting... If Eddie Van Halen's not in the top five of everyone's lists (if not the top two or three), the list has no credibility... Oh, yeah... did I mention that Rolling Stone has the credibility of a smelly gym sock?

72. Joni Mitchell - Nothing against Joni, or anything, but the day that she ranks ahead of people like Randy Rhoads and David Gilmour in a guitarist poll is a sad day indeed for guitarist polls...

75. Adam Jones of TooL - At least he's on the list... He's a musical genius, pure and simple. He does "more with less" than most any guitarist around... I was surprised that he was on the list, honestly... but he is, and far too low...

82. David Gilmour of Pink Floyd (did I really need to add what band he's from?) - Again, another sad pick... How can you put one of the coolest players in the world so low in the list? My guess is that if anyone knew what the guitar player for Kid Rock's name is, he'd be in this list... probably in the top twenty, because the people who compiled this list are fucking ignorant toadies...

85. Randy Rhoads - This is just getting pathetic at this point... I always thought the Rhoads-era studio records were "pretty good," I suppose... There was just an element of "overdoing it" in the production, I guess you could say... Layers upon layers of guitars, punch-ins, and the like... but the fact that he could double and triple some of those guitar parts speaks volumes about the man's talent... Inevitably, though, all it should take is one listen to Tribute to see Randy Rhoads' genius, which was his live playing. I always wondered how well he would pull off some of the studio stuff live, and he certainly does... How he isn't in the top five is just baffling... unless, of course, this list is a piece of shit... which it is...

86. Tony Iommi of Black Sabbath - Earth to list maker... Earth to list maker.... Hello??? Ike Turner is #60 (a man who could barely play his way out of a paper sack) and Tony Iommi is #86? How can you even publish this tripe?

87. Joan Jett - Okay, now just a god damned minute, here... Can someone, anyone, PLEASE point out any one moment of Joan Jett's guitar prowess??? PLEASE? Did you people consult any living human beings before you printed this article?

96. Angus Young - At this point, I'm too flabbergasted to comment on such a lame placement as this...

100. Kim Thayil of Soundgarden - Again, at least he's on the list... No, Kim isn't known for great solos, or anything like that, but he is responsible for some of the best music to come out of an otherwise musically-sick '90s. How Kurt Cobain can be #12 and Kim Thayil can only be #100 is astounding... but, as I said, at least he is on the list...

So, there's most of the highlights of the list... or maybe I should say "lowlights." Probably the most embarassing thing about the list is not who's on it (although it is highly suspect), but who is not on the list... names like:

Steve Vai - Yngwie Malmsteen - Zakk Fucking Wylde - Adrian Belew - Steve Morse - Dimebag Fucking Darrell Abbott - Eric Johnson - Pat Metheny - Slash - Joe Satriani...

Granted, I'm not a big Satriani fan, at all, nor am I a huge fan of Slash, but how they could not make a list of the top 100 guitarists ever is totally beyond me... so, therefore it is nearly impossible to comment on how the others missed the list... unless I were to say that the people at Rolling Stone Magazine are incompetant boobs... and if this was a reader's poll, the people at Rolling Stone magazine are still incompetant boobs... I mean, how the fuck do you leave Steve Vai (let alone Johnson, Wylde, Dimebag, Malmsteen, etc.) off of a list of greatest guitarists? They are virtuosi... period... They know what the hell they are doing on a guitar. They prove it over and over and over, every night that they strap their guitars on and go out in front of a crowd and blow people's minds with some seriously sick guitar playing...

Are you sure you guys didn't leave Fred Durst off the list by mistake? I mean considering the fact that he claims he writes all of his shitty band's guitar parts, I would have thought that you Rolling Stone asskiss tweakers would have put him in there, somewhere... While you're at it, why don't you throw Dale Earnhardt, Tom Hanks, and the guy that invented Velcro in the list, too? It would make about as much sense as some of your other picks.

For the record, here's my top ten or so, anyway... in no particular order, because I wouldn't want to insult them by putting them in a "place":

-Jimmy Page
-Stevie Ray Vaughn
-Eddie Van Halen
-Steve Vai
-Dimebag Darrell
-David Gilmour
-Adam Jones
-Chet Atkins
-Pat Metheny
-Randy Rhoads
-Zoot Horn "Who the Fuck Am I?" Rollo... err... I mean Ike "Beat Your Ass" Turner... err... I mean Eric Johnson

...with highly honorable mentions going out to Zakk Wylde, Adrian Belew, Frank Zappa, Steve Morse, Charlie Hunter, Chris Whitley, Lindsey Buckingham, Trevor Rabin, Alex Lifeson, Dean DeLeo, Jimi Hendrix, Prince (yes, that's right, I said Prince - that little man can jam the shit out of a guitar for days), and I'm sure several others that have eluded me for the moment.

The bottom line is that Rolling Stone magazine hasn't had much (if any) credibility with many people for many years, now... and this list confirms it in spades... They have totally adulterated and cheapened a craft which I have spent twenty-three plus years (more than two-thirds of my entire life) doing, a craft which I truly love and cannot live without, by putting people like B.B. King at #3 and Jack White at #17 of all time... To all the hack, halfwit, retards involved in the compilation of this list, FUCK YOU and your ridiculously poor judgement. Your magazine is a horrible joke, nowadays, and shit like this list is the reason why... You should honestly and seriously be ashamed for letting something so horrendously flawed like this list ever make it to print.


This article ©2004 Anthony Phillips / Xtatic Media and cannot be reprinted in any part without permission...

Listening to: my blood pressure raise at the sight of a disgusting piece of "music journalism" as this...

Huh???


I was watching this thing on CourtTV about my mostest favoritest person in the world (note: sarcasm), Courtney Love... In it, they keep referring to her as "the queen of punk rock" and a "punk rock diva" and all sorts of other stupid (and completely misguided) "punk" references... My question is, why? There is nothing remotely "punk rock" about Courtney Love in the slightest... well, unless you count the time she auditioned for (and lost) Sid Vicious' "better half" in Sid & Nancy... or maybe that she thinks she has some kind of punk connection, therefore she must be punk... or maybe it has something to do with that time she yelled at the photographer, "You think I'm not punk rock?!?!?" before she started swinging at her, tryng to act like she's all hard...

Wow... Impressive...

"Oh, Courtney, you're so cooooool... You punked out Madonna at the Mtv VMAs, once... That took balls..." Who couldn't take pot shots at Madonna?
You can't be all Hollywood (like she pretends to be) and be punk, too (which she also pretends to be)... It's basically an oxymoron (which, she's pretty proved that she's an Oxy (Contin) moron, herself).

It aggrevated me so much that I had to grab my DK and Television CDs and remind myself how much of a complete wannabe sellout skanky piece of heroin-infested trash she really is...


Listening to: Dead Kennedys - "Fresh Fruit For Rotting Vegetables"

All You Glam Rock Weenuses, Start Shedding Your Tears...


The glam rock (and I use the term loosely) powerhouse, Warrant has finally called it a day... Officially debuting in 1989 and scoring with such "hits" (ha!) as "Cherry Pie," "Down Boys" and "Heaven," the band stayed together about 14 years too long...

...because they sucked...


Listening to: nUde

Robinson Set for Solo Tour


Former Black Crowe guitarist (and the more-talented of the brothers) Rich Robinson is set for a six-date solo tour starting January 15 in Trenton, NJ. This will be the first time Rich Robinson will be featured as a lead singer, as well... He is also expected to debut more than a dozen new tracks.

"I've always been a songwriter," he says. "But these songs show where I'm at as a musician, and as a person. They're evolving, like I am."

Yes... an incredible songwriter, at that...

Rich's last project, Hookah Brown, broke up in May of 2003...

Here are the dates:

Jan. 15: Trenton, N.J. (the Conduit)
Jan. 16: New York (Knitting Factory)
Jan. 17: Allston, Mass. (Harper's Ferry)
Jan. 20: Sacramento, Calif. (Roadhouse)
Jan. 21: Santa Clara, Calif. (Avalon)
Jan. 22: Los Angeles (Viper Room)

On a side note, Rich's brother, Chris, and his wife, actress Kate Hudson, welcomed their son into the world on January 7th, the same day my brother and his wife welcomed their daughter into the world, as well... Very cool.


Listening to: nUde - "Rising" (2003)

...a question from the peanut gallery...


Someone came here from a search engine and they were interested in finding out how much bands make playing at county fairs...
Well, I can take a stab at that, seeing as I've done that, before... It's pretty simple... unless you are a big name country act, or Chubby Checker or some scary nostalgia-based thing, you don't get paid shit for playing. As I recall, the times I did it, I made gas and food money (barely) and that was it...
Basically, you play at county fairs so you can say you've played at county fairs and for the potential to not get called a rock faggot by all the redneck assholes waiting for some jizzbucket country "star" to show up shitfaced and put on a 90-minute country hoedown...

NOTE: if you're a redneck asshole or a jizzbucket country "star," ... well, nevermind...


Listening to: Pearl Jam - "Lost Dogs" (2003)

By the way...


I am an uncle...
This is very cool... Congrats to my brother and his wife on my new niece...

GO HERE TO SEE SOME PICS


Listening to: Miles Davis - "Hall of Fame" CD4 ("The Serpent's Tooth") (2002)

A Perfect Circle Announces Spring Tour Dates


The Spring tour dates are here:

DATE | VENUE | CITY
3/18 | E Center | Salt Lake City, UT
3/20 | Magness Arena | Denver, CO - sweet...
3/21 | Convention Center | Albuquerque, NM
3/23 | NextStage | Dallas, TX
3/24 | Lloyd Noble Arena | Norman, OK
3/26 | Amarillo Coliseum | Amarillo, TX
3/27 | Don Haskins Center | El Paso, TX
3/28 | Dodge Theater | Phoenix, AZ
3/29 | The Joint | Las Vegas, NV
3/31 | Memorial Auditorium | Sacramento, CA
4/01 | Long Beach Arena | Long Beach, CA
4/02 | Cox Arena | San Diego, CA
4/03 | Bill Graham Civic | San Francisco, CA
4/05 | Bank of America Building | Boise, ID
4/06 | The Opera House | Spokane, WA
4/08 | Queen E Theatre | Vancouver, BC
4/09 | Tacoma Dome | Seattle, WA
4/10 | TBA | Portland, OR
4/12 | Valley Ice Garden | Bozeman, MT
4/13 | Rushmore Center | Rapid City, SD
4/15 | Municipal Auditorium | Kansas City, KS
4/16 | UIC Pavillion | Chicago, IL

NOTE: the "FALL TOUR 2003" image/link on the left side will actually give you these dates, as well - I guess I need a new graphic


Listening to: Karma to Burn - "Wild, Wonderful Purgatory" (1999)

Rush Guitarist Arrested


50 year-old Alex Lifeson (real name: Alex Zivojinovich) of the band Rush was arrested on New Year's Eve at the Naples, Florida Ritz Carlton after a reported scuffle with sheriff deputies.

The incident took place after Lifeson's son, 33 year-old Justin Zivojinovich, was escorted from the stage where the house band was playing. According to police reports, when deputies tried to escort Justin from the stage, Lifeson intervened, became verbally abusive, and a brawl broke out. The report also states that deputies had to use stun guns on Lifeson and his son, and that Lifeson threw a female deputy down the stairs.

According to Justin (whose nose was broken in the altercation), there was no violence or abuse from him or his father and that the female deputy stumbled while pushing Lifeson down the stairs...


Listening to: Melvins - "Houdini" (1993)

Maynard Mtv2 Interview Video


Okay, after some hunting, I found a link to the video of the interview Kurt Loder did with Maynard James Keenan on Mtv2... it's a .wmv file (which equals "pretty sucky quality")... it's about three whole minutes long... in it, Keenan talks about his little boy, and his wine... (speaking of, I had a really good pinot noir and an equally as excellent cabernet, last night)
It's pretty cool, but it's far too short...
Luckily, back when I was doing the radio thing, I received a complete interview (from the fine folks at Virgin America) with Maynard (well over an hour) that he did when Mer de Noms came out. It's the best/most in-depth interview with Maynard I've ever seen/heard...


Listening to: Frank Zappa - Joe's Garage (Acts I, II & III) (1979)